I am guessing at the meaning of a sentence and I remembered there’s a group of people I could actually ask. This is at the end of chapter 9 in 果つる底なき. The narrator works for a bank and his bank has just forced a company into bankruptcy (to put it briefly). That company’s president is a friend of his and the narrator feels extremely upset and powerless. A coworker has handed him a cup of coffee.
Here is my attempt to translate, then. (Forgive me, I am bad at translation.)
“Drink. Pull yourself together.”
The hot liquid gradually penetrated my body. Up until I revived, I had lost the will even to move. A myriad of thoughts and realities intermingled boundlessly in my head, until finally I was able to take a breath. That was the state I was in.
When I tried to remember (the state?), I could feel the memories like the isolation that I had experienced in the distant past, but fresh as if I had experienced them only yesterday. In my heart there was only bitter experience (that caused chaotic thoughts?).
I don’t feel confident that I have even the barest gist of that bolded sentence. But just to highlight a specific starting point, I’m not sure about is the tense. I think the author is juxtaposing the past tense of the previous sentence - before the coffee worked its magic - against the “now” feeling of the bolded sentence, is that correct?